


Monster

by AutisticWriter



Category: Total Drama
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - No Reset Button, Anger, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Crying, Dating, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Established Relationship, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Kissing, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Self-Harm, Split is Ableist, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Mike’s date with Zoey is ruined when he sees a horribly ableist preview at the movies.OR the one where a person with DID sees a preview for Split, and it makes them feel absolutely awful.





	Monster

As really dated music plays from the speakers, Mikes takes a sip of his lemonade. He glances around the movie theatre, glad to see it less than half full (crowded places make him anxious).

“Chocolate?” Zoey says, offering him her half-eaten chocolate bar.

Mike smiles. “Please.” He takes a bite, not questioning that it’s actually quite gross to share food with other people, because how’s it any different to kissing? “Thanks.”

They both eat some more popcorn, their hands meeting in the tub. And then something occurs to Mike.

“Why are we eating all this now? The movie hasn’t even started yet.”

Zoe grins, and then shrugs her shoulders. “Why not? And it’s harder to eat in the dark, anyway.”

“Good point,” Mike says, and he takes another bite of chocolate.

Zoe swats at him. “Hey!”

They both start laughing, and Mike gives her a kiss.

By the time the previews start, they’ve almost finished the big tub of popcorn. Mike keeps wincing whenever he puts his hand in the tub, salt getting into the sore patches of skin on his fingers left from biting hangnails (Manitoba is a nail biter, and Mike often wakes up after a night of switching personalities in his sleep to find his fingernails bitten right down), and he wishes they bought sweet popcorn instead of salty. And all the salt has made Zoey thirsty, so she’s nearly finished her drink too.

“Maybe we should’ve got sweet popcorn,” she whispers, and it’s as though she can read Mike’s mind.

He grins, having to stifle laughter when a woman down the row from them tells Zoey to shush.

Not wanting to get told off again, they stay silent as they watch the previews. They sit through preview after preview, and Mike gets so bored that they all seem to blur into one. And although that animated movie looked quite funny, most of them look awful.

But then another preview comes on, and Mike’s eyes widen. It’s about a creepy guy who abducts these two young women, just like in every other psychological thriller he’s seen. But then the characters say something, and the creepy guy’s appearance changes… and Mike is filled with complete dread when they mention multiple personalities.

He feels sick. Is this guy supposed to have DID? Are they seriously making his mental illness into a fucking horror movie? And then his heart starts racing and he stares at the screen as his hands grip the armrests so tightly his fingers start to cramp and he hears Zoey whispering his name and then…

And then Mike feels dizzy and he suddenly switches and appears in his Headspace.

He falls over, bracing his hands against the floor. Mike screws his eyes up, trying to calm himself down, wishing he wasn’t getting so stressed over a fucking movie. And then it occurs to him: if he is in here, which of his personalities is currently fronting?

“Mike?” Svetlana says, crouching down beside him. “What is the matter?”

“Yeah, what’re you doing here?” Vito asks, wandering over.

“Yeah, you don’t switch for no reason,” Manitoba says. “You’re always at the front. What was the trigger?”

“Will you young ‘uns keep it down?” Chester moans. “You’re giving me a headache.”

Mike raises his head, his eyes widening. If these four are all here with him… then who is fronting?

“Mal,” he says.

The others all look at each other. Mal hasn’t fronted in months, not since _Total Drama All-Stars_ when he caused complete chaos. Just what is he doing out there?

“Shit,” Vito says.

\---

Zoey stares at the screen, horrified by what she is seeing. This isn’t DID at all. She knows Mike’s alternate personalities can be annoying – in fact, Mal is outright dangerous if you piss him off – but this movie has got it all wrong. Did they even do any research at all?

Which is when she hears Mike gasp, making the noise he always does when his personalities switch. She turns her head, and spots Mal just before he jumps out of his seat. He runs down the aisle, stopping at the screen.

“This is bullshit!” he yells, before storming out of the theatre.

As everyone mutters about him being a distraction, Zoey hurries after him. Part of her wants to leave him to it, but she knows she needs to follow him – if for no other reason than that Mike is somewhere inside him, and she doesn’t want anything to happen to him. Just before she leaves the theatre, the title of the movie appears on the screen. It’s called _Split_ , and something about that name feels wrong to her.

She finds Mal out in the empty hallway, pacing around with his hands clenched into fists. He slams his hand against the wall, and there is such raw anger on his face.

“How could they make this shit?” he shouts, punching the wall again.

Zoey approaches him, keeping her distance. “Mal?”       

Mal turns his head, and his eyes widen. “Yeah, it’s me. Turns out Mike can’t keep me under control when he’s being triggered. And this is certainly a reason to trigger him.”

“So it’s the movie?” Zoe says.

“Of course it’s the fucking movie!” Mal snaps, glaring at her. “How d’you think you’d feel if the most awful depiction of your mental illness was being displayed to the masses as a fucking horror movie?”

“I’d feel… horrified,” she says.

Mal punches the wall for a third time, so hard his knuckles start oozing blood. “Exactly.”

“I knew it was horrible when I was watching the trailer, and I knew it would upset Mike, but I didn’t think it would do this to him,” Zoe says, suddenly having to blink back tears. It makes her want to cry to think that a movie trailer has done this, upsetting Mike so much that Mal has managed to front again after all this time.

“Yeah, you thought it was horrible,” Mal says, rubbing his bloody hand against his pant leg.

Zoey knows it’s none of her business, but she still says, “But… why do you care? I mean, you’ve never seemed to really like Mike.”

Mal scoffs. “I don’t like him. I hate that he’s the main and I’m just an Alter, that I’m not the original. I might not like him but he’s part of me – I mean, I’m part of him. I was his first Alter when he split for the first time. That’s why I’m such a dick – I was made to protect him, to keep him safe from everyone who was treating him like shit. I know what he’s been through, ‘cause I’ve been through it too! And to see our trauma treated like that… it makes me want to fucking kill someone!”

Zoey has never seen Mal like this. He never displays emotion (well, apart from some kind of sadistic joy when he hurts people he thinks deserve it), so to see him fuming with anger is downright disturbing.

And his words amaze her.

“I had no idea…” she says, her voice trembling. “I’m so sorry.”

Mal lets out a hollow laugh, stuffing his bleeding hand into his pocket.

“Don’t pity me,” he snarls, and Zoey flinches.

She’s so scared of Mal, but she stands her ground. She breathes shakily, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before the tears can spill over.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks.

“No,” Mal says bluntly. “But I’m going home. I suppose you can come too.”

And Mal turns on his heels and walks away. Zoey hesitates for a few seconds before following after him.

\---

“What happened, Mike?” Svetlana asks. Her voice is soft; despite their comments about how they hate him (mainly because he’s the ‘original’ and they’re not), Mike knows his alternate personalities actually care about him. Well, apart from Mal; Mal doesn’t seem to like anyone.

He doesn’t know how to explain it, how to put into words just how much a fucking movie preview upset him. In the end, he simply shrugs his shoulders.

“It was a preview for a bad movie,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around himself.

“How was it bad?” Manitoba asks.

Mike sighs shakily. “It made us look evil.”

His alternate personalities look at each other.

“You mean… it made DID look evil?” Vito asks.

Mike nods. Thankfully, his alters are outraged. And to see Svetlana and Chester and Manitoba and Vito all swearing and storming around his Headspace ranting about how fucked up that sounds makes him feel a tiny bit less awful.

\---

They head to Mike’s Mom’s house. Zoey doesn’t know much about Mike’s childhood, but she knows his parents split up because Mike’s Dad was abusing both Mike and his Mom. He must have split around that time, with Mal coming out to defend him from his father’s verbal and physical abuse. He split another three times throughout his childhood, obviously from a combination of his father’s abuse and the bullying he got at school for having DID. Thinking about it, it’s obvious why she doesn’t know much about Mike’s childhood, because who would want to talk about such horrible things?

Mal walks much faster than Mike, and Zoey has to jog to keep up with him. His body language is tense, his bleeding hands clenched into fists and his torso hunched forwards slightly, as though he’s expecting to be punched.

As she almost runs after Mal, something occurs to Zoey. She doesn’t know if she should say it, but she feels like she needs to ask him.

“Mal?”

“What?” he says, not sounding remotely interested. Although he doesn’t sound as defensive this time.

Zoey gulps and then forces herself to ask the question. “You know… that movie?”

Mal scuffs his feet on the sidewalk. “Course I do.”

“Well, it was called _Split_ ,” she says. “And… I was thinking… that’s a DID term, isn’t it?”

“Well done,” Mal says, his voice full of sarcasm. But then he sighs. “Yeah, it is. It’s the name for when your personality shatters and a new ‘alter’ is formed.” He says ‘alter’ with unnecessary emphasis, and Zoey knows it’s because he doesn’t like reminding himself that he is ‘only’ an alter. “So well fucking done to the movie producers. They’ve really done their research… on how to fuck up people watching their shit trailer.”

Mal doesn’t say anything else, and Zoey thinks a lot about his words. She knows Mal is right; these producers have stolen terminology from people with DID to make a horror film about them. And that is so disgusting. No wonder poor Mike was so upset. She wishes she could talk to him, but she knows she can’t right now. Not until Mike feels well enough to push Mal out of the way and front again. And, judging by Mal’s behaviour, that might take a while.

When they arrive, Mal lets himself in with Mike’s key, his sore hand struggling so much with the lock that it takes him several seconds of trying to open the door. By that time, he has made such a racket that Mike’s mom has walked into the hallway.

“Mal?” she says. She knows Mike’s alternate personalities almost as well as her son.

“Yeah,” Mal says, slamming the front door. He storms upstairs, and no one follows him.

Mike’s mom looks at Zoey. “What happened?”

Zoey sighs, trying to ignore the sounds of Mal clattering around upstairs. “It’s a long story.”

\---

Zoey is drinking hot cocoa in the kitchen when she hears footsteps on the stairs. And then the door opens and a rather exhausted Mike walks into the room.

“Hi, Mike!” Zoey says, immediately realising how overenthusiastic she just sounded. But she can’t help him. She’s just so happy to see him.

“Hi,” Mike says weakly. “What happened?” he asks, looking dazed. “Why are we at home?”

“You switched,” Zoey says simply. “With Mal.”

“I know,” Mike says, clearly remembering the moment when he switched with Mal. “But… why’re we here? Last time I remember we were at the movies.”

Mike’s mom sighs. “We can explain. Sit down, darling.”

With some reluctance, Mike joins Zoey and his mom at the table. He smiles awkwardly and reaches for Zoey’s hand. Which is when they all see his cut knuckles, which look even worse now they’ve started to scab over.

“Do you remember…?” Zoey trails off, not knowing how to bring it up without upsetting Mike. “Um… do you remember seeing that preview at the movies?”

Mike stares at her, and then his eyes widen. His eyes start to shine and he clenches his teeth. He nods. “Yeah, I do.”

Mike clenches his hands into fists, and his scabs crack. He groans, pressing his good hand over his eyes as though trying to hide tears.

“Let me help you with that, dear,” his mom says, standing up.

And his mom gets a bowl of warm water and carefully bathes his hand. Mike winces and blood oozes from his barely-scabbed cuts, turning the water pink.

“And… about the movie,” Zoey says. “Well… you switched and Mal saw the preview too. And it made him really mad. He was punching the wall and ranting about how messed it up was to represent your mental illness like that.”

Mike sighs shakily, tears in his eyes. But he doesn’t question what she said; Mike must also know that Mal cares about him in his own way.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, my darling,” Mike’s mom says, giving her son a hug. “And I promise none of our whole family will see that awful movie.”

“Me too,” Zoey says firmly. “We’ll boycott it.”

Mike smiles weakly. “Yeah… we’ll boycott it.”

Zoey looks at the clock; it’s nearly midnight. She should be heading home, but she doesn’t want to leave Mike. Thankfully, Mike’s mom understands.

“Do you want to stay the night, dear?” she asks.

Zoey nods, smiling. “Yes, please.”

“Right then,” says Mike’s mom, smiling back. “I’ll just go call your mother, and then I’ll get you a bed set up in the spare room.”

“Thanks.”

Mike smiles weakly. “Thanks, Mom.”

When his mom leaves the room, Mike gives Zoey a kiss on the corner of her mouth. Her cheeks get damp with Mike’s tears.

“Thanks for looking out for me,” he says.

Zoey smiles and squeezes his good hand. “It’s not a problem.”

\---

Zoey has a bed in the spare room, but she and Mike spend the whole night sat in the living room. She leans against her boyfriend as they watch the weird selection of night time TV, but neither of them are really watching. Zoey is just worried about Mike, and Mike looks distant.

“I wish I’d never seen that fucking preview,” Mike says. It’s the first thing he’s said in an hour, and Zoey finds it odd to hear him swear; swearing is something that Mal and Vito are more prone to than Mike. And she hears his voice shake, and sighs.

“So do I, Mike,” she says, trying to sound reassuring (but not really knowing how).

“It was so horrible.” Tears fill Mike’s eyes, making his eyes shine in the near darkness. “It made me feel like a monster.”

Mike shuffles closer and Zoey wraps her arms around him, pulling her boyfriend into a hug. She rubs his back, and her heart breaks when she hears him sobbing.

“Please don’t cry,” she says, trying to soothe him (but her trembling voice doesn’t really help). “And you’re not a monster, Mike.”

“I know. But I just felt…”

Mike dissolves into sobs, and he cries for what seems like forever. He cries until he eventually runs out of tears, Zoey sobbing along with him. By the time their tears have stopped, they are too tired to move. Zoey just cuddles Mike, tears drying on her face.

They stay cuddled up together, sobbing and holding each other in the dark room, until they finally fall asleep.

\---

In his sleep, Mike enters his Headspace. Mal is there, but he doesn’t talk to him. Mike wants to say thank you, but he knows Mal won’t accept his thanks. But it doesn’t matter; Mal will find out sooner or later.

When he awakes him the morning, Zoey’s arms are around him and he feels safe and warm and content – but the events of the previous night prey on the back of his mind, and Mike wishes he could just forget about it.

But he knows that isn’t going to happen.


End file.
